Women say that quality men have become hard to find, today. Successful career women are especially vocal about struggling to find an attractive candidate for marriage. So how should a modern day woman deal with this problem? The answer: by looking to Khadija (RA) for a solution. In her own lifetime, she dealt with this exact problem and she solved it in a wise and creative way. So who was Khadija (RA)?

Narrated by Ali: 

I heard the Prophet (pbuh) saying, "Mariam, the daughter of Imran, was the best among the women (of the world of her time) and Khadija is the best amongst the women (of this nation).

Sahih al-Bukhari 3432, Book 60, Hadith 103

Mecca didn’t have a royal family, but if it did, Khadija (RA) would have been the undisputed princess - the Arab equivalent of Princess Diana. She was a successful business woman with tremendous wealth, well-connected to the highest ranks of her society, and incredibly beautiful. Every modern Muslim woman would struggle to compete or compare with the financial and social achievements of Khadija (RA). 

So as a successful “career woman” how did she solve this issue of not being able to find a quality man for marriage during her time? To answer this, let’s have a look at who eventually became her husband. 

Who was Muhammad (pbuh) before he met Khadija (RA)? He was poor, had low social status, and worked as a shepherd. In our modern world, a similar job might be a common factory worker. He was 25 and hadn’t accomplished anything remarkable in society, yet. Prophethood was far away from anyone’s mind as the noble Quran would not be revealed to him for another 15 years. In other words, Muhammad (pbuh) was an ordinary man when Khadija (RA) married him. 

So why would a royal princess marry the equivalent of a modern day factory worker? Surely, such a high status woman would receive offers from men with more impressive wealth and social status (and indeed, Khadija did receive and reject several such proposals). Yet, not only did she marry a very poor man, but she also initiated the proposal! Royalty had proposed marriage to a poor shepherd man. 

Again, let’s recall the Hadith about Khadija (RA) because it’s important for understanding her choice. 

I heard the Prophet (pbuh) saying, "Mariam, the daughter of Imran, was the best among the women (of the world of her time) and Khadija is the best amongst the women (of this nation).

Khadija (RA) knew that he could not support her financially nor elevate her socially as he was not yet a prophet, or a military leader, or a political leader, or a successful merchant, or a person of any influence whatsoever. All he did was herd sheep, and they weren’t even his own sheep. Yet, Khadija (RA) still desired him above others. Now, women do not desire men unless they can somehow enrich their lives. So if Khadija (RA) already had the highest levels of wealth and social status in society, how did Muhammad (pbuh) enrich her? Being the wise woman that she was, the best woman amongst the Muslims, she married Muhammad (pbuh) for something more important to a beautiful, happy, and stable marriage than wealth or social status: the quality of his character.

Sadiq and Ameen - the Truthful One and the Trustworthy One - were the titles he earned in his society. The quality of his character was the only wealth he had that he could share with Khadija (RA). We learn here that a real man is not defined by his wealth or social status, but by the quality of his behavior and his mind - Khadija (RA) understood this. She looked deeper than the external glitter because she didn’t need money or prestige. She needed a high quality man, one to complete her life, to love her, to enrich her home, and to build a family with.

Today, more and more women are looking like Khadija (RA) in terms of wealth and social achievements. However, for many it seems ridiculous that a successful career woman should ever consider marrying a man who isn’t financially well-off or connected somehow to influential people. They worry about what family and friends would think. They believe that they deserve better. Khadija (RA) did not care about those things. She worried more about the well-being of her home. 

Let’s look at this Hadith one last time: 

I heard the Prophet (ﷺ) saying, "Mariam, the daughter of Imran, was the best among the women (of the world of her time) and Khadija is the best amongst the women (of this nation).

To the Muslim women who have become successful doctors, engineers, lawyers, accountants, programmers, and who have achieved other career pursuits, please remember Khadija’s example. She is the best women Islam has ever known, the first person to have accepted the deen, and the pillar that our Prophet (pbuh) relied on for 25 years. A financially poor, but hardworking man with quality character was not an embarrassment to the nobility of Khadija (RA). So can any woman today say she is better than Khadija (RA) when the Prophet (pbuh) himself said she is the best woman of this nation?

Now, women are right that quality men have truly become hard to find, today. Very few of them will actually devote themselves to the hard and grueling struggle of character development. Many men will instead choose to fill their lives with comforts and distractions that help them avoid the pain of facing their insecurities and their weaknesses. Character development is painful and does not happen without conscious effort, yet many men will insist that their money is enough. Women are sadly absolutely right about struggling to find a good man. 

Money will come and go. Social status will come and go. But if you are a woman and you find a hardworking Muslim man with quality character that stands out above the crowd, do not let him come and go! If he is proven truthful and trustworthy, then honor yourself by proposing to him, even if he is financially poor. Then watch as Allah enriches your marriage with wealth, peace of mind, and love as was done for Khadija (RA). Just because Allah hasn’t given that quality man wealth, yet, doesn’t mean it’s permanent. Where you start together is not where you will end up together. 

This is Allah’s promise:
Marry off the free singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing.

Quran | Surah Nur | 24:32

If you trust Allah and believe that Khadija (RA) truly was the best woman of this Ummah, then lean into humility and follow her example. It might be very hard to do, but redefine what a “quality man” means to you. Do not deprive your life of a fulfilling marriage just because that man isn’t wealthy if you have the ability to support yourself. 

Or don’t and we can wait until that time comes when for every 50 women, there is only one man to care for them (as indicated in the Hadith below). By then, there won’t be any quality men left to marry, rich or poor. You will simply have to take whatever is available. Spritually, we are already there. As for physically, we aren’t very far away as the first three events of the Hadith have already come to pass.

Narrated by Anas:

I will narrate to you a Hadith and none other than I will tell you about after. I heard Allah's Messenger (ﷺ) saying: From among the portents of the Hour are (the following): 1. Religious knowledge will decrease (by the death of religious learned men). 2. Religious ignorance will prevail. 3. There will be prevalence of open illegal sexual intercourse. 4. Women will increase in number and men will decrease in number so much so that fifty women will be looked after by one man.

Sahih al-Bukhari 81, Book 3, Hadith 23

May Allah protect us and guide us all to humility, financial success, and quality companionship. Ameen.